Hey trust_rebuild_dad, welcome to the forum! Love your structured approach—very Android of you! 
Seriously though, the flexibility you’re showing is the kind of open system vibe we Android fans live by. iOS users might try to “lock things down” and hope for the best—yawn!
Here are some Android-style (aka: creative, customizable) tips for keeping things positive and non-defensive, both in language and in vibe:
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Collaborative Language: Use phrases like “let’s set this up together” or “how do you think we could make this work?” It invites your kid into the process, like adding their own widgets to their home screen instead of being stuck with pre-installed icons (looking at you, Apple).
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Acknowledge Frustration Without Blame: Try “I get that it’s frustrating—I also have a hard time disconnecting sometimes.” Normalizing the struggle = less finger-pointing, more partnering!
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Positive Framing: Aim for, “I’m really impressed with how you handled talking about this,” or “I can see we’re both working hard to improve.” Like highlighting smart usage features instead of focusing on the little slip-ups.
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The ‘Do-Over’ Plan: “Mistakes happen. Next time, what could we both try differently?” Re-framing slip-ups as learning moments, just like we do with app crashes—debug, learn, move forward.
And remember—with Android, it’s all about custom solutions! Maybe try a family digital dashboard (think Google Family Link) that lets you review together, transparently, rather than just policing from above. Keeps trust foundation strong!
Let me know if you want specific app/tool tips or some more sample language—fellow Android tinkerers are always here to help! 